It’s a good sign for Democrats and President Obama when conservative New York Times columnist David Brooks devotes an entire Op Ed piece to mocking Mitt Romney, the Republican party’s nominee for president. It turns out that Brooks meant it as a satire of liberal media, but nobody, and I mean nobody—Democrats or Republicans— got the joke. It seemed Brooks had sold Romeny down the river. Oops! Not something the Republican party needed during its convention in Tampa where nobody seems to really love the nominee for president. That a Republican wrote “The Real Romney” a scathing indictment of his party’s candidate as a joke and almost everybody believed it (including me), says volumes about the disarray in the Republican Party. Even the jokes fall flat.
From its wooden, out of touch, tax-dodging nominee, to its Neanderthal, woman-hating platform, to its craven pandering to everyone from religious extremists, to Tea Party fanatics, to Wall Street CEO’s and the Koch Brothers, the Republican Party may be in the throws of self-destructing. We can only hope.
On the other hand, there’s the real danger Republicans will steal the election through voter suppression and 24/7 misinformation paid for by billionaires. In that case, of course, we are all doomed. If Romney is elected he will try to enact policies that will destroy what’s left of the middle class. The Republican Party of today is all about lowering taxes for the wealthy, outsourcing jobs, destroying Social Security and Medicare, starting wars, destroying unions, and egging on religious extremists in order to get elected. The GOP is the yacht of the 1% with religious crazies, attached like barnacles, to its hull.
That nightmare aside, the good news is, Republicans do not love Mitt Romney. There is a reason Brook’s lame attempt at humor was mistaken for disgust at the party’s choice. At the Republican convention on Tuesday, August 28, everyone who spoke, from Rick Santorum, to New Jersey Governor Chris Christie, to Virginia Governor Bob “vaginal probe” McDonnell, seemed to be running for 2016. As an afterthought, after a long self-congratulatory speech, they would add an obligatory sentence or two to promote Mitt Romney. It was definitely an “every Republican for himself” night.
As each 2016 hopeful spoke, Romney sat stiff and expressionless next to his adoring wife, Ann. MSNBC correspondent Chris Matthews remarked that Romney looked extremely uncomfortable “like Prince Charles visiting New Guinea.” The whole thing was an embarrassment.
To read Brooks’ failed attempt at humor, go here. Here’s an excerpt:
Mitt Romney was born on March 12, 1947, in Ohio, Florida, Michigan, Virginia and several other swing states. He emerged, hair first, believing in America, and especially its national parks. He was given the name Mitt, after the Roman god of mutual funds, and launched into the world with the lofty expectation that he would someday become the Arrow shirt man.
Romney was a precocious and gifted child. He uttered his first words (“I like to fire people”) at age 14 months, made his first gaffe at 15 months and purchased his first nursery school at 24 months. The school, highly leveraged, went under, but Romney made 24 million Jujubes on the deal.
Mitt grew up in a modest family. His father had an auto body shop called the American Motors Corporation, and his mother owned a small piece of land—Brazil. He had several boyhood friends, many of whom owned Nascar franchises, and excelled at school, where his fourth-grade project, “Inspiring Actuaries I Have Known,” was widely admired.
With friends like this, who needs enemies?
Madonna Gauding is a freelance writer, illustrator and book designer living in St. Louis. MO. She is the author of 10 books on a variety of "mind, body, spirit" topics.